College years are often a time of tremendous personal growth for students, and as a parent, you share the excitement and pain of that process. Most likely, no one knows your student as you do, and no support is more important than yours. But there are particular challenges to parenting a young adult college student who is separated from you by miles. Our experience working with parents and students over the years has shown us that students thrive when parents:

• Let go.
  This involves letting your student take responsibility for her/his own life. Those incredible successes and painful failures will be wonderful learning opportunities for her/him.You’ve done your job, and now is the time to trust that your years of influence have prepared your student for the process of becoming a self-sufficient individual. One of the most difficult challenges you will face is resisting the urge to rush in and save the day when your student encounters a problem. Be concerned, of course, but let your student work things out.Your role will be to offer support and even suggest campus resources where your student may seek assistance.We’ve included that information for you in this handbook. But it is important that the student make the contact rather than the parent. That is the way you can help your student learn how to negotiate issues and resolve problems—the most important lessons in the long run.
• Keep perspective.
  College can sometimes be a turbulent time, and students often experience intense emotional swings. Often this will prompt a call home, and your support provides an opportunity for your student to talk about sadness, frustration, or anger. Fortunately, strong emotions usually pass quickly, and while you are lying awake worrying about your student, she or he is probably sleeping peacefully, having vented those feelings and moved on to the next adventure. Of course, there are occasions when a student is experiencing serious emotional difficulties, and there are campus resources to help in such times.
• Discuss important issues.
  College is a time of separation from parents and of establishing independence, but that doesn’t mean that conversations about values and choices should stop. It is helpful for your student to be able to talk about issues without feeling judged. Remember that you can support your student without agreeing. Keep the lines of communication open, particularly about difficult topics such as alcohol and drug use, sexual choices, and financial matters.You can refer to our tips page later in this section for ideas about how to approach alcohol and other drug issues.
• Stay in touch.
  Students do miss home and family; e-mail provides an excellent way to stay in touch. All students have access to an e-mail account and welcome regular, supportive messages from family. Letters, cards, phone calls, and especially care packages are also treasured. Sometimes students can be very busy with course work and college activities, so continue to write even if you don’t get an immediate response.